Do We Have to Choose Teams?

presented by Jerry Rubin, May 25, 2008

For many years there has been a voice in the back of my mind -- a voice which I have ignored. This voice never demanded my attention: its nature is not competitive. Even when I heard it, it was easy to dismiss. When I nudged it back into my subconscious, it did not protest. It waited patiently for me to invite it in.

I would like to think that as we grow older, we become more willing to listen to these quiet voices. It is not merely a matter of knowing what is right or wrong but the willingness to align how we live with what we know.

The voice I will be talking about today has been asking me, as I ask all of you today, do we have to choose teams?

The only team that I still have an attachment to is the New York Yankees. When I tell people in New England that I am a Yankee fan, a typical reaction is one of mild disgust! I am used to this. When I go on to explain that I was born and raised on Long Island and that I even went to Mickey Mantle day, I am usually forgiven.

I wasn’t much into football as a child and so it was not a difficult transition to become a Patriots fan. I am not as devoted to the Patriots as I have been to the Yankees but I wanted the Patriots to win the super-bowl.

After the Super Bowl on Sunday, February 3^rd 2008, even though it was my daughter Rebecca’s 17^th birthday, I did not sleep all that well. On Monday, I talked with many people who slept far less than I did. Monday night in my men’s basketball group, a fight almost broke out between two players who had not previously lost their tempers.

When our team wins, we walk around as if on a cloud, reminiscing about what a wonderful game it was or how we decimated the undeserving underdogs. If it was a close game, the fans of the winning team may talk about the valiant efforts to pull out the win.

With this latest match-up, Giant Fans will be talking about the final 2 minute drive that scored the winning touchdown. Eli Manning, the Giants quarterback will be collectively hoisted on the shoulders of Giant fans’ imagination for breaking a tackle that kept his team alive.

On the other hand, Patriots fans might have said if only Manning did not break the tackle; if only the ball was intercepted; if only, if only.

Some Patriot fans will begrudgingly admire the team that drove to that last touch down while other fans will say they were lucky or blame the Patriots for letting their guard down.

On May 4, (exactly three weeks ago) at a sports bar in Nashua New Hampshire, a fight broke out between Red Sox fans and a Yankee fan. When the Red Sox fans started chanting the Yankees suck the Yankee fan got into her car and accelerated it into the small group of Red Sox fans who had been taunting her. One man did not get out of the way and was killed.... She thought they would all get out of the way but one man stood his ground. (Matthew Beaudoin age 29),

Perhaps this tragedy would not have occurred if alcohol were not involved. But alcohol removes inhibitions against acting out emotions that are already present.

The responses to this tragedy were varied, indicating that our society does not know how to come to terms with these events. Christian End, an assistant professor of psychology at Xavier University in Cincinnati studies the behavior of sports fans. He stated that the Red Sox-Yankees element is probably overblown and he speculated that the woman who drove her car into the fans was probably having one of the worse weeks of her life.

I think that this comment obscures an important lesson; I wonder whether a sociologist would agree with him. In my opinion however, professor End gets it right when he talks about how some fans take their association with their favorite team to an unhealthy level.

Psychologists tend to focus on individual differences in human behavior; but is there something distorted about a culture that worships competition?

Looking at my own reactions, when my team has not won, I have asked myself why am I so upset? Why does it matter so much that it makes me feel off balance for a few days?

The NY Yankees. Do any of you groan within when you hear the name of that team? “The Damn Yankees.” The rivalry between the NY Yankees and the Boston Red sox is so ingrained in our Eastern United States collective consciousness that it almost becomes a rivalry between New York and Massachusetts.

Is it possible to have a favorite team without disliking the other teams? I would like all of you to think about these and other questions that I am raising. At the end of this talk, we will take some time for discussion.

Why do we choose teams? Is there a natural inclination, to choose sides, or is it something psychologically bred into us by our culture? In other words, is it in our genes or a result of our conditioning?

There is no doubt that conditioning plays a major role. One only needs to read the local newspaper or watch sporting events.

The game is over. If our team won, we feel elated. We feel proud. We say to ourselves that we tried harder. Maybe we even say that we are better. We have better players and better team owners and dare I say, better fans? If our team lost then we feel deflated. We sink into our chairs and ask “what went wrong?” We may wonder where the weak link is: “did someone drop the ball?”

Christian End talks about the essential word in my last paragraph: He states,

AI think it’s very easy to see that for some people their identification with a sports team is an important aspect of themselves. The most evident indicator is that fans refer to the team as “we” when in actuality, the fan is not part of that team.

When our team loses, we are disappointed. It is a disappointment that causes many of us extreme discomfort. Literally we loaned our egos to our favorite team. When our team loses, they have let us down. Instead of feeling stronger and more confident, we feel defeated.

This time around, I have asked myself, is it worth it? I have also wondered:

If I did not have a favorite team, would I enjoy the game as much?

Two days after the Super Bowl, during my daily meditation, I gently decided to allow this answer to emerge. Before this realization I had absolutely no idea whether it was possible to enjoy sports at the same level without choosing a favorite team.

Perhaps I have been failing to see the unfolding of a deeper drama. There are two teams playing the game. There are two teams with natural abilities far beyond average people. There are two teams dedicating themselves to playing the best game they can play. Is it possible to fully appreciate this drama, this reality play if I am focused on the glory of just one of the teams?

Was there an element of luck in the Patriots/Giants game? Could the game have gone the other way? Yes, it was a close game. But there was also impressive creativity in how the Giants scraped their way to their winning touchdown. The Patriots tried to stop them and made many good plays; but in the end, it seemed to me that in those last few minutes, the Giants fear of losing was more tangible than the Patriots’ fear of not winning. If we are bitter, we will not see this struggle and we will not appreciate the drama unfolding before our eyes.

I have decided that for the next year I will perform a subjective experiment. I will strive not to have a favorite team. I will appreciate all the players regardless of what team they are on. I will watch the game to appreciate and celebrate human athletic potential. I will watch the game to witness the struggle of two opposing forces striving to do their best.

Competition does have a purpose. It is two teams or two or more people pushing themselves and each other to strive for the heights of human potential. By becoming absorbed, by becoming focused, by wanting to do our best, we can elevate our game and perhaps enhance our awareness as well.

When I was a teenager, a part of me understood this. Towards the end of high school, I briefly played chess in competitive tournaments. My high school would meet other high schools and the best teams would walk away with trophies. But the games I enjoyed the most are not necessarily the games that I won but the games that I played well. Beating an easy opponent was not as fulfilling as narrowly losing to an opponent who was clearly more skilled than me.

Some of you may have recognized that one of the musical pieces played today was the theme from the 1981 movie, “Chariots of Fire.” This movie based on fact, is a study of two athletes that appeared in the 1924 Olympics, Harold Abrams and Eric Liddell. Although both men win a gold medal, their temperaments and motivations are a study in contrast.

Harold Abrams is a Jewish man traumatized by anti-Semitism and fighting to prove his worth. The following is a quote from him:

It’s an ache, a helplessness, an anger. One feels humiliated. Sometimes I say to myself, you’re imagining this. And then I catch that look again. Catch it on the edges of a remark, feel a cold reluctance in a handshake.

I am going to take them on. All of them one by one and run them off their feet.

Eric Lidell’s desire to win comes from a very different source. He states:

I want to compare faith to running in a race. It’s hard. It requires concentration of will, energy of soul. You experience elation when the winner breaks the tape but how long does that last? You go home maybe your dinner is burnt maybe you haven’t got a job. So who am I to say “believe”, “have faith”,-- in the face of lives realities?... I would like to give you something more permanent but I can only point the way. I have no formula for winning the race.

Everyone runs in her own way or his own way,... so where does the power come from to see the race to its end? From within. Jesus said, behold the kingdom of God is within you. To win is to honor him.

Do we have to choose teams? Perhaps not -- and many people do not have a favorite sports team. We are here to live to our full potential. We are here to love each other. We can challenge each other to do our best, recognizing that the road is difficult, striving not to be disappointed in one another or ourselves.

For those of you who have read the “Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, you will remember that the fourth agreement is Do your best! Ruiz states “that Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self‑judgment, self‑abuse and regret.”

Can we learn to challenge each other in ways that brings out the best in each other?

Can we try to be conscious of mob psychology and the loss of individuation that sometimes occurs when people choose teams? Can we act as a moderating force when we are with others that are getting carried away?

Can we tell the teams we choose that we appreciate good sportsmanship? Can we hold the teams we choose to an ethic that discourages aggression and bitterness?

Closer to home, we can express to our children what we see as really important? We can tell our children that we care more about their efforts in school than the grades on their report card. We can remind our children to remember that if the inherent worth and dignity of even one human is violated, if compassion takes a backseat, if we forget the importance of peace, liberty and justice for all-- that we are heading down the wrong path.

Can we remember to look at the negative seeds of competition that divide people? Can we vote for politicians that expand our collective vision by nourishing the positive seeds of compassion? Can we choose leaders that emphasize dialog rather than fighting,-- and building bridges instead of threatening the use of force?

Can we remember that in the scheme of things who wins the game is not as important as how we play and that having a roof over our heads, enough to eat and adequate medical care is something we should be more passionate about?

We can choose a favorite team if we want to. But let us not forget that the psychological side of human nature motivated by ego, is compelled by the need to feel better, the tendency to compare ourselves with others, the need to be in control, and an instinct to protect ourselves from painful experiences.

The paradox is that in choosing a favorite team, we make a choice to try to control an outcome that cannot be determined. Let us remember that when our team loses that we have chosen to feel the pain of that loss.

In any given moment, as we choose to identify with one team against other teams, let us realize the relativity and capriciousness of this choice. Let us remember that it is a game, a reality play.

In the world of the spiritual, the spiritual side of our nature, these separations do not exist; there are no teams competing to be the best. We are all on this journey together.